Funny Answers to People Who Ask You Why You Dont Drink

150+ Best Answers to "Why Don't You Drink?"

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Cheeky Kid is a cybernaut who spends a lot of time browsing the web, grasping infinite information, and reveling in entertainment and fun.

This article will help you come up with great replies, funny excuses, and witty reasons why you don't drink. After reading, you'll never have an issue turning down a drink again.

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How to Turn Down a Drink

Depending on how you see it, drinking can be a solitary sport, a social activity, or a societal problem. So, let me ask you this question. Do you drink? If not, then why don't you drink?

My, my, where are my manners?! I'm not drunk or anything, okay! I know that the reason why you're here is to find answers to that very question. I've got you, buddy!

This is a collection of the best replies, funniest excuses, and wittiest responses to the question "why don't you drink?" You could always answer with "because I don't want to" whenever you want for simplicity's sake, but where's the fun in that?

Creative answers can lead to different conversation topics. Who knows, you might even get to enjoy yourself even more. Social drinking doesn't have to be about "drinking" only. If you want to remain sober for whatever reason, then there's also the "social" aspect—so put that into action!

What to Say When You Don't Drink?

• Alcohol is literally a poison that makes people dumb and gives them this really sh*tty vibe.
• Alcohol never agrees with me.
• Because drinking turns even the most respectable humans into jerks.
• Because I can't handle it!
• Because I know what drinking does to people. It's ugly, I'm telling you.
• Because it messes with my sleep, and I love to sleep!
• Both of my parents are alcoholics, and they turn into monsters when they're intoxicated. So, no thank you.
• Coz' the older I get, the worse the hangovers are!
• Drinking doesn't make you cool.
• Going for six-pack abs, so I'm cutting all the bad stuff out for the next six months.
• Hate the way how people act under the influence of alcohol.
• I appreciate a healthy liver.
• I can control myself and my problems totally fine. I don't need to get high to make myself feel better.
• I can have fun and feel confident without imbibing.
• I don't find anything enjoyable about alcohol intoxication. Nothing about it is pleasurable to me.
• I don't like the idea of not being in control of my mind and my actions.
• I don't like the taste.
• I don't need it to enjoy myself.
• I don't see the appeal in it.
• I don't want to. End of discussion!
• I get throbbing headaches when I drink.
• I have zero tolerance for alcohol.
• I think soda tastes better, and I don't have to feel bad in the morning.
• I'd rather not get into it.
• I'm broke enough as it is. Why should I waste my money on this crap?
• I'm not quite old enough.
• I'm on medication.
• I'm watching my figure.
• I've seen a home get shattered in pieces due to bad drinking habits.
• I've never felt the need to drink, and I prefer spending my time and money on other things.
• If I drank, nothing would be fun anymore, and everything would turn problematic.
• It makes me drowsy. There's no warning, whatsoever. I just go from sober to snoozy.
• It makes me feel more depressed.
• It tastes gross!
• It triggers my anxiety even more.
• My new year's resolution is to not drink this year. I wanna see if I have the willpower to do it.
• My complexion matters to me more. Alcohol pretty much ruins it.
• No beer belly for me, please.
• No need.
• No, thanks. I'm driving.
• Not drinking is the better choice for me.
• Oftentimes, it just leads to bad decisions.
• Personal choice, buddy. Respect my decision!
• Sorry, I'm not a fan.
• The morning hangover ain't worth it!
• There's absolutely no reason for me to drink.
• Tried it once, didn't have any fun.
• Water is cheaper.

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Read More From Pairedlife

One way to turn down a drink is to tell the person that you don't need to drink to be cool. This is probably best used when someone tries to pressure you.

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Funny Responses to "Why Don't You Drink?"

• Alcohol will complete the ritual, and then nothing will be able to stop it.
• Because I am designated boring one.
• Because I can't gulp it like juice.
• Because my mommy said so!
• Because none of you will be able to stop me once I begin showing off my drunken fist martial arts style.
• B*tch, I'm 5 years old!
• Consuming my calories in food form is much more preferable for me.
• Deathly allergic to it.
• Do I really need to? I'm already such nonsense.
• Funny story, it's actually none of your f*cking business!
• Hmmm, you know what? I really don't know.
• I become more sarcastic the moment liquor touches my tongue.
• I can make a big enough fool of myself sober. Ask my friends.
• I do drink. I drink water every day.
• I don't drink. I freeze it and eat it. That stuff is way too warm.
• I don't drink because I'm a serial killer and I might let the location of the bodies slip.
• I enjoy my brain working at its maximum at all times.
• I tend to forget which husband/wife is mine.
• I have tinnitus and drinking aggravates it. After a glass, I'll be hearing church bells nonstop, and I'm an atheist so that just can't happen.
• I have something better in my van. Wanna come with me? *evil smirk*
• I haven't really tried it since my birth, and I don't want to destroy my streak.
• I made a silly promise when I was 7-years-old that I would never drink.
• I prefer coke.
• I see dead people when I'm drunk.
• I used to drink, until I took an arrow to the knee.
• I used to drink, but it keeps leaking out of me.
• I'd rather have dessert!
• I'd rather spend my beer money on "Magic: The Gathering" cards.
• I'm like this when I'm sober, so why would I want to add alcohol to it?
• I'm not allowed to drink in this state. Well, not since the "incident."
• I'm sexier without a beer belly.
• If all I want is to escape this crappy reality, then I'll buy video games instead. They're cheaper too!
• It's a religious thing. I need to keep my blood pure for the Dark Lord.
• Liquor interferes with my ancient magic powers.
• My poison is a plant.
• My wallet is already empty as it is. I don't want to dig a deeper hole for myself.
• No need. It's like I'm drunk already all the time because I'm crazy!
• Not drinking makes my liver more valuable in the black market.
• Not today, Satan. Not today.
• Rashes break out on my skin the moment I drink. Rashes of felonies, that is!
• Saving room for the cheesecake.
• The last time I drank, I found myself riding a plane to another country.
• The police would really rather I didn't.
• There isn't enough beer in the world to make you attractive, so why bother?
• Too many people died last time.
• When I drink, I start hitting on anything that moves, and I mean anything!
• When I drink I seem to gain a temporary Degree in Interior Design.
• Why drink when when I can behave like a drunkard without it.
• Why? I'm already fun enough. A drunk me would only make things worse.

A great way to shrug off a drink you don't want to take is by turning it into a joke. For example, you could tell the person offering a drink that it might be dangerous because too many people died last time.

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Best Comebacks and Excuses for Not Drinking

• A bacterial infection destroyed my stomach lining.
• Alcohol has a lot of calories, and I don't need yet another source of those.
• An alcohol-free life is much more liberating.
• Because I'm an adult and I do whatever the f*ck I want!
• Because I'm the designated driver.
• Because someone has to think.
• Good ol' water is preferable.
• I abuse every source of comfort of escape in my life—sleep, food, games. I don't need to discover a new way to harm myself.
• I am neither sad nor heartbroken, so why should I drink?
• I can have fun without being drunk.
• I don't drink, but I smoke the good stuff!
• I don't like headaches and I get enough of them on my own.
• I get punchy when I drink. You don't want to end up getting a black eye, no?
• I prefer to spend money on clothes.
• I want to remember all the dumb sh*t you will do.
• I'm a Muslim.
• I'm an alcoholic.
• I'm still drunk from last night.
• I'm pretty weird when I'm sober. You really don't want to see me drunk.
• I'm too old for that hangover bullsh*t.
• I've already drank enough to last a lifetime. Plus, I have no time for hangovers.
• It hurts my tummy.
• Just because everyone drinks doesn't mean I should too.
• Liquor hurts my athletic performance and recovery.
• My only friend died in accident after drinking too much. I've never had a drink nor a friend since then.
• My doctor said having one more drink might kill me.
• My parole officer says I can't.
• None of your business, pal!
• Not a drop since the accident. I miss him/her every day.
• Not drinking makes my parents proud.
• Responsible behavior never needs an explanation.
• Studies have demonstrated that any form of regular alcohol use has more negatives than positives for your health, so I'd very much rather avoid that.
• The idea of being drunk and losing full control of yourself sounds like a terrible idea.
• They keep asking me for an I.D., and well...you know.
• Unfortunately, I blow all my drinking money on bills.
• What a terribly personal question! Why ever would you ask that?
• Well, I used to drink, but then I would drink too much and ruin the party.
• Why don't I drink? What is this…7th grade? Peer pressure doesn't work on me!
• You wouldn't like to be around me when I'm drunk.

You can switch up your refusal of a drink by adding a little spice to it. When turning down a drink, you might tell others you're happy and content – so why drink?

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Witty Replies to "Why Don't You Drink?"

• Alcohol and brain cells aren't really friends.
• Alcohol interacts poorly with my anti-psychotics.
• Because it tastes like spicy dirt water.
• Because you don't need alcohol to get me in bed with you. *wink*
• For me, one drink is too many and a hundred is not enough.
• For the price of a cocktail, I could get burger and fries.
• Getting drunk is like stealing happiness from the morning thereafter. I don't really want that.
• How else is your drunk ass getting home tonight?
• I don't drink. I absorb all the fluids I need through osmosis.
• I don't drink....anymore.
• I just don't like the taste and smell of fermentation, and if you're going to add a bunch of other things to it to cover up that taste, then you may as well not have it in there at all.
• I no longer drink because I like drinking way too much.
• I would never put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.
• I'd drink but I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain to you.
• I'm breastfeeding.
• I'm charming enough without alcohol.
• I'm on a whole foods macro diet combined with a strict vegetarian ideals and cross-fit training. Would you like to know more?
• I'm writing an article on alcohol abuse and I need to watch you carefully.
• I'm very allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I breakout in handcuffs.
• I've drunk my quota a long time ago. Any more and it's goodbye to me!
• I've seen fewer people get into trouble by not drinking rather than by drinking.
• It's purely medical. I have a heart arrhythmia and alcohol triggers an attack.
• Kids in Africa can't even get a sandwich.
• My body is a temple.
• Not after the accident.
• One should never drink while operating heavy machinery. If you're wondering, the heavy machinery is my brain.
• That's a very wonderful question. Ummm...errr...I thank you!
• The last time I drank, I was crucified the next morning.
• There's plenty of poisons to choose from. Why that?
• Why should I pay to get my liver damaged?
• You're already good looking, so I don't need to imbibe.

Another way to avoid a drink you don't want to glug is to throw out a couple of witty remarks. For example, you might tell someone offering to buy that you'd prefer water because at least it doesn't taste like spicy dirt water.

Alexas_Fotos, CC0, via Pixabay

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author's knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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Source: https://pairedlife.com/etiquette/Best-Answers-to-Why-Dont-You-Drink

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